Amazing Hardware, Terrible Software

This place is gigantic and part of the Malioboro Hotel complex, which is a gigantic adult entertainment venue...Like Disneyworld for horny guys. The building is amazing and the club itself is the icing on the cake. There's a huge dance floor with several women dancing all at the same time and the views from the bottom are great. The DJ was rocking out hard and definitely knew what she was doing. Many consider Kings Cross to be the best strip club in Jakarta, but when I went there the place was so loud and packed there was nowhere to sit and enjoy yourself. Alexis has a really cool setup where you sit at the bar and (for me, unexpectedly) suddenly the wall behind the bar goes up to reveal dancing windows where naked women dance in front of you behind silhouette screens. But while I greatly enjoyed Alexis, the bar was pretty much empty and when I was there, the strippers on the main floor hadn't even come out yet. Malioboro's club definitely was my favorite club setup. It's colorful and feels like a fun party scene.

So why so little stars? The girls. They suck at dancing. The public dances are clearly unskilled, and not sexy to me at all. And when they're not dancing, they're giving you a hassle that makes American strippers look shy. I found one I was extremely attracted to and signed off for her drinks in return for private dances...Which never came. She said she had to go dance on stage and she'd be right back and then disappeared. This was the first and only time I complained to strip club management. They fetched her and she said she "couldn't find me." They refused to give me a refund but they offered to have her dance for me then. She looked angry so I was not in the mood at that point..

I feel bad about complaining. I was drunk and didn't appreciate being ripped off, but in hindsight, I don't know what they do to strippers in Jakarta who rip off customers. Hopefully she's okay. Now, despite the fact that I was ripped off, this is Jakarta. It wasn't too much money. I was ripped off in more ways than one at the Malioboro and yet the bill still wasn't as big as I'd thought it would be. And if you find the right girl, you'll have a good time because the club itself is spectacular. But after you buy her drinks, don't let her leave your sight.