Club Blue Balls

I came in after a brief and unsatisfactory visit to Centerfold, thinking I had only an hour or so in which to have a little fun. Come to find out, however, that they are open till 4 now, as their neighbors Vanity have been for a long time. I tipped the door girl and then the bouncer standing in the lobby. As soon as I entered the front room, another bouncer accosts me asking if I would like a table. Now, I would prefer to tip 0 bouncers, but I'm OK with tipping one at the door. Tipping two bouncers? I draw the line, so I said no thanks, I would sit at the bar. I detected a hint of put-offedness in his voice, and he may very well have sabotaged my night out of spite. We didn't speak again, but who knows what he said to the dancers?

Anyway, I sat at the bar because I had a vague memory of the bartenders being insanely hot there. My memory served correctly. They were the two hottest girls in the club, both dressed like strippers, so I asked if they give dances. Only in the VIP, $400 for one, $600 for both (I think). I guess Les Wexner frequents this club. Not sure who else is in little ol' Columbus is shelling out that kind of cash for a first dance. One would think that A) charging so much and B) (presumably) only rarely dancing would give these girls a serious case of GPS. They were courteous and convivial behind the bar, though, not afraid to have a conversation or to bend over for a little longer than it would actually take to get whatever they were reaching for.

My M.O. is to scope out the club for the hottest dancer or two, which for me means naturally busty, and get a couple dances with one or both. I'm working with a modest bankroll. The first hour or so I had a stripper in whom I was uninterested sit by me, so I assumed that's why none of the other dancers approached, but none did afterward either--this despite it not being that crowded, especially after last call. Maybe she called me cheap in the dressing room. Long story short, I left after four hours having not had a dance. The one girl whose attention I tried to get by stage tipping ran to the dressing room after she got off stage. Also, on a strategic note: Methinks my experiment in ordering Coke is over. Even though it costs the same, and you have a legitimate reason for drinking it, namely the avoidance of a DUI, my gut tells me the dancers and staff still see you as cheap for doing so.