A club of extremes

For those who like to make going to a strip-club a complete experience; taking in the vibrant ambiance, having a few drinks in a lounge chair, and watching a bit of the big game all while playing the field with the dancers, this is not the club for you. The best way to describe showplace...it's not a strip club, or a titty bar, it's a dive bar with titties. Do you love Patrick Swayze's classic film, "Roadhouse"? That's the kind of vibe this place gives off, but with dimmer lighting. It's a big ole room with a bar, some glowing brew brand signs, pool tables, and lapdance cubicles (more on that later). Don't even approach the restrooms. Take it from someone who took one for the team himself, go piss in the woods next door and I promise it will be cleaner. I was also amazed at the absence of a bouncer at the door, a common sight at other clubs. Undaunted, I entered and was again surprised to see no bouncer. Where was the inevitable cover charge? Well if you're a cheap bastard like me you're in for a treat, there is none. However, there is a one drink minimum at the bar. Grab a soda and keep it simple. your visit will be quick.

The majority of the girls I've seen here had a few extra pounds and were in their late 20's-mid 30's and up, which doesn't bother me, but might be hell for others, consider yourself warned. Ethnicity is largely Russian and Brazilian, though I have seen a couple of African American dancers as well. Pay no attention to the stage, as it offers no real eye candy and most girls look rather bored walking, yes walking, around the pole. You WILL be approached by a dancer shortly after taking a seat at the bar, and unless you firmly stuff a few bucks under her top and tell her you're not interested, she will sit there and strike up a 30 second chat with you. Bear in mind, if you do get a dancer to go bug someone else, another will take her place at your side shortly after. The dollar parade reigns supreme.

The reason I say a 30 second conversation is because not long after saying "hi", the dancer's hand will probably start roaming around outside your pants and offers of extras will be hurled your way at stupid fast speeds. This is where Showplace drops any sort of appearances as a modern strip club and things start to get a bit surreal. You will pay $20 to the bouncer at the bar for one dance. You will then walk into one of the cubicles with your dancer of choice. Another warning, these cubicles are a germophobe's worst nightmare, and the chairs aren't very comfy. Within seconds of sitting down, you are guaranteed to be offered extras at $80 and $100 respectively. Greek is sometimes offered by Brazilians for a higher price, but given the rope a dope your wallet will take in such a short time, it's really not worth it. Keep throwing Jacksons her way if you want more dances, I usually have my fill after two and head out the door.

The entire process I've just described, from walking in the door to leaving, usually takes no more than ten to fifteen minutes. You will probably return to your car feeling shocked at just how fast the entire "strip club" experience flashed before your eyes. And that's the crux of the issue with Showplace, it really is a club of extremes. On one hand, you easily get quick and dirty service that's hard to find elsewhere because you don't even need to be stealthy about it. On the other, if you try to enjoy any other aspect of the typical club experience, you will be sorely disappointed. Like I said, it's a dive bar with titties and nothing more. I recommend all hobbyists in the northern NJ area go visit Showplace just once for the experience of it, then leave it alone and pursue better adventures. I visited often for two years, then finally moved on because the vibe became stale and the faces, too familiar. To each his own, stay safe, and happy hunting.