Planet Rock: not a complete waste of time, but you're still better off heading up to Quebec.

One must have proper expectations regarding the only strip club left in Vermont, and if one can do so then they will not be disappointed. The second last one standing was in White River Junction, and it got shut down because of unpaid rent (on a larger scale for the entire building) that also housed a country bar and, believe it or not…, a bowling alley. Yes, Mom and your little girls all got to share the bathrooms with the “dancers” in the strip club bowling alley, but I digress. Once it shut down it was no longer grandfathered in and the State would not permit or grant another license. Therefore, the last one standing, the last one grandfathered in is, you guessed it: Planet Rock in lovely downtown Barre, VT.

I’ll start by saying that I had a better time than I thought I would the two times I visited. Lowering one’s expectations will clearly help the cause, and if you can do that then all is not lost. I visited first on a Saturday night, then on a Thursday. Cover charge is $10.00 Fri and Sat, but is a mere $5.00 on Thursdays (thank God). The club is on the left towards the end of the main street in Barre if you’re coming from the main intersection after you come down the hill and turn right. They have a sidewalk sign out in front of the stairs that leads you down into the “Gentlemen’s Club”, and I’ll use that term loosely. The proprietor is actually a cool and very friendly guy, and he genuinely wants you to have a good time. His name escapes me, Matt, possibly, but he is a solid redheaded dude with a beard and glasses, and he was very informative regarding what the deal is in Vermont. There is a 3 foot rule, so the dancers are not allowed to have any contact with you while their breasts or genitals are exposed. They can definitely show you the goods, but have to be 3 feet away. They can grind you during a private dance, put their boobs in your face there and on the ledge at the stage, and depending on the dancer you can touch them within reason, and each dancer has her own boundaries for that, BUT they have to have their G-string and bra on in order to touch you or be touched. They are pretty strict at Planet Rock as far as that goes and I can’t blame them because they are the only one left and if they really fuck it up their ass is literally on the line. However, you do get a very good, close look at the goods on the ledge when you’re putting money into their G-strings or bra.

Now, the dances are WAY over priced at $30.00 for a single, but they do have a two for $40.00 “deal”, if you want to call it that. The VIP would be a complete waste of time and money for several reasons: first and foremost there are FIVE video cameras in there. Um, no thank you. I’m not showing up on the internet with a hard on unless I’m making thousands for it, nor does anyone want some pervert watching the VIP show live, or at home later. I wouldn’t initially think the proprietor would ever do that cuz he’s basically a good dude, but the assistant manager, who looks like his skinny little brother, gives me the creeps and is less than a stellar employee in my opinion (more on that later). Second, the VIP is also WAY overpriced. Don’t quote me, but it is in the $120-$150 range for 30 minutes, and the 3 foot rule still applies. How about NOOOO? (Dr. Evil voice) Third, the house takes 50%. Really??? You take half of the dances and VIP for these 5 hardworking girls and think that’s okay? I don’t. Not cool at all. At least give them a fighting chance for us to spend some money, for fuck’s sake. You’d do far better with what they do in most clubs in Quebec, and that is: $10 with G-string on, and make it up on volume. You’re the only club in VT, for fuck’s sake, and wouldn’t part of your business plan to be to make it good enough so we don’t just completely ignore you and pass you by on our way up to Quebec?