The Porthole doesn't have it's port holes anymore.
I've been here quite few times, but for the purpose of this review I'll focus on a recent visit where I arrived Tuesday afternoon around 5, after having visited Booby Trap down the street and finding nothing of interest. It's easy to find, in a strip mall near I95. Parking was easy on this visit, but sometimes it can be a bit of a hassle to find a spot as while the lot is large it's a bit cramped and people tend to double park or otherwise do selfish, inconsiderate shit. Before 7pm, no charge to park, no valet available much less required, no cover, no ID scanning. After 7pm, they charge to park in the closer spots and have a $10/20 cover depending on the day of the week.
Inside, the place is small. A bar, a couple of high top tables, some couches used as sections on busier nights. One runway style stage with two poles. It's not particularly clean, but it's not remarkably dirty either. Like most clubs in the area, daytime clientele is mixed, a healthy mix of middle aged or retired guys in there. At night, the crowd gets younger. The dancers and the crowd is often predominantly black, especially but it remains mixed. They don't really have a waitress during the day shift, so if you want a drink you gotta either sit at the bar or belly up to it to get one. Many of the bartenders have been there forever, most are pretty meh but reasonably effective. Domestics are around 5 bucks, imports another buck or two, and at night they're a buck or two higher. Cocktails hover around 15, but vary by brand and go up a few bucks at night. They used to upcharge for dancer drinks, but I haven't noticed that recently.
The dancers on average are not particularly hot, I'd say maybe 6's. But there is a very wide variation. Skinny, fat, young, old, natural, enhanced, and everything in between. They're mostly black girls with maybe 30-40% latinas and every now and again a white chick will pop up. On this particular visit, there were three girls I found attractive. One of which, way beyond attractive and downright fucking hot as hell. I'd say I can't believe I saw her here, but it's not the first time I've run into a hottie here. But there was also a mid sixties chick who has clearly been rode hard and put up wet, a 300lb plus chick who I think would be better suited as a right tackle for the Dolphins. One with national geographic tits, one with Mattel tits, and ... well, you get the idea. There's a lot of variety. The clubs is topless only, unlike most of the other nearby clubs which are full nude. On stage, many girls don't bother taking off their tops. They do 2-3 songs up there, one girl at a time for the most part, with the occasional girl being late and skipping song or just deciding she's done and getting down early.
Dances are available tableside for $10. Most girls again I find don't take off their tops, but some do. They also offer $25 lap dances, done in rooms that are shared with another couple, but with curtains and a divider that offer significant privacy. Most dances end up being nude, and with a fair amount of pants down action even for standard dances. I don't really like to negotiate for extras, I prefer the approach where we go to a room for a predetermined time and they're implied. Most girls here seem to offer upgrades to dances while you're back there, prices varied considerably and they seem to expect to haggle. Starting offers ranged from $80 to $300, with seemingly no correlation to how hot I found the dancer. Every girl dropped her price when I declined, even though I wasn't doing so as a tactic. I would have happily spent on the hot chick, but she was also popular and I wasn't interested in sloppy seconds. The girls mostly seem to expect the customer to pay the $5/song fee to the guy who stands outside the dance rooms and keeps count. They do offer a timed room, I think it runs $100 for 30 mins, but I haven't used or even discussed it with a girl in a long time.
I usually like to compare the club to the local options. They're not in the same category as Cheetah, Diamond Dolls, or Booby Trap. But it's a bit more of a traditional mixed club than Pink and certainly more lively than Shadow or Senioritas. I'd say the girls on average are not as attractive as Booby Trap, so well below Cheetah. But, they do sometimes have a genuine hottie working and it only takes one. Given the lower price point, and propensity towards having a really cute chick even on slow days, this place remains a worthwhile stop to me, although not a priority. I will say that I do anticipate a return in the near future, in hopes that I'll get my hands on that hottie again and maybe make a connection for some OTC.
