Run away! Run far...run fast!...

Run away! Run far...run fast! If you're into fat and ugly girls with stretch marks, rashes, and pimples all over their asses, this is your place. I've been to many strip clubs on slower nights, but this is by far the absolute WORST I've ever seen. There were four girls on shift. The first one was probably a 5. Not completely repulsive, but definitely not on the A team either. I tipped her just to try to get things started with the rest of the girls to follow, and I wish I hadn't. The second dancer was this repulsive girl with more cellulite than the Governor of New Jersey. Actually, I would have rather seen Governor Chris dance instead of this gorilla. She had a massive gut that hung down into this grotesque fold, and she had some kind of strange rash down the inside of her legs, I'm assuming from where all her fat rubbed together. OK, every club has one. I waited through two more songs with an empty stage until the next dancer came up. The girl that followed was probably a 6. Tiny little A cups with nips that looked like they belonged on a pre-pubescent boy. When she was walking around (clothed) in the dimmer light, I was thinking maybe she had potential. Then when I saw her on stage in the light, her ass just made my gag. If the second girl on stage was the queen of cellulite, this girl was the princess. Then she barely moved her G to the side a bit, and I got an eyeful of two-week-old stubble and pimples. If this was the girl I thought maybe had potential, not only was I wrong, I was losing hope, quickly! Then the final dancer came on. She had dyed her hair bright red and had large breasts that (in her shirt) looked kinda nice. Then the top came off and those puppies hung halfway down to her waist. Failed...yet again! I decided I would wait until the end of her set before I got up to leave, just to be polite. She spent all three songs just walking from one side of the stage to the other, hardly doing anything. Then the most incredible thing happened; She actually started picking her nose on stage! Aaaahhh!!!!! Done...finished....c-ya later...buh bye...I'm out! I mean, seriously?!?!? Hot Bodies is a complete waste of time and money. I spent a total of $11 ($10 to get in, and one very small tip given out of pity), and I feel completely ripped off. Some of you may think that maybe if I spent more money, threw out some tips, and had a few drinks I would have had a better time. Nope! No amount of money or alcohol could overcome the scene that I saw. It was as if this club recruited their dancers from a pool of girls that didn't make it onto the Biggest Loser TV show. Each dancer set was three songs long, and there were at least two or three songs in between each dancer. All four of them spent at least one minute of their set just talking to the DJ, which is behind the stage. They're completely uninterested, and I was kind of happy about that. I didn't want anything to do with them either. To the club: please find some girls that don't belong on a wildlife show on NatGeo. To the four ladies I saw: find another career. You're more suited to a drive-through window asking if I'd like to upsize my combo. The club itself isn't the worst I've ever seen, but it could use some work. The chairs were very old and uncomfortable. The decor is mostly that typical strip club carpet with colors that glow under black light. I didn't see anything that was extremely dirty (other than the girls), but it definitely could use a remodel. The music was way too loud, and the DJ never played a single song I recognized (it was all completely obscure techno and R&B). The lighting isn't bad, although with the quality of the girls they employ, you'd probably wish it was pitch dark. There's a mandatory $5 for "valet" parking (it isn't really valet - they're just charging for self-park), which I avoided by just parking across the street. As I was leaving the guy at the door asked if I enjoyed myself. I was completely honest and answered with an emphatic "hell no!" The dude had the nerve to look completely shocked. He must have either been blind or he has the lowest standards of any man on earth. I'll never go back!