Heard about this place. Heard from...

Heard about this place. Heard from someone about their crazy expensive, two way contact dances. Also heard they were raffling dances away. Figured I'd give it a shot, go on an off night where there weren't many people, try to win a dance to review for myself. I was intrigued by the theme. Was hoping for a full on medieval experience. Maybe a bouncer in knight armor or court jester or something. Nope, nada.

The place is odd from the outside. You're not exactly sure if it's a strip club or restaurant or creepy place. It's kinda across the street from Dream On. I walk in and they check ID before I get to the door. I walk inside, and another bouncer with a girl behind the glass. She's totally naked, which is a nice, “Welcome!” to the whole place. It's two dollars cover. I gave her a five, and she couldn't change it because apparently this place doesn't carry ones. What the actual hell? Heard about it. Didn't think they were serious. Yep, it's true.

Walked in through an interior door to the bar area. It was dark, small, cramped, and looked like a medieval tavern you'd see in movies and stuff. There were tables in the bar area like a restaurant. No one there. There were three guys at the bar talking. Bartender was getting drinks, also topless but not very pretty. There was a TV, but it wasn't on. Already, I'm thinking this is pretty lame. I mean, there's a whole place and a total of four patrons. I order a beer. I give her the five. She has to take from the tip jar to change me a dollar. Really? They really don't believe in ones that much? Behind the bar is the main dance area. I walk in there, and there's two guys at a table. Okay, a total of six guys and one girl dancing, one girl on deck, and no one else to be seen. The dance room is pretty bare. There's a couple booths along the walls, some raised benches along the largest wall, and a few tables below those benches. The walls are painted to look medieval, but it just doesn't have that feel.

I just sat down when they announce the first raffle for the free dance. Dammit, Grandpa got it. Oh well, this can't get any worse, right? I'll just kick it here for a while to see how it goes. The girl dancing was nothing to write home about. The girl on deck was nothing great, neither. So far, this is looking like major fail. I mean, you could chalk that up to no one at sitting at the stage, but it just wasn't anything special. They were just unenthusiastic movers with not great bodies.

One girl was pretty okay. Voluptuous, a great butt, great breasts. I sat at the stage for her. For one, these girls are pretty good at attention for patrons sitting at the stage. Now, apparently tipping is a mandatory $2 per song. I was gonna do that anyway, but the fact that you demand it is a sour feeling. Now my normally generous two or three dollars is just the minimum.