I made visits to 4 different...

I made visits to 4 different clubs on a recent Monday night: Fox's Den, Alibi Inn, Magic City, and Crazy Horse. The best laps I had were at Fox's Den and Crazy Horse, but they were also the most expensive of the four.

Here are details about my visit to Alibi. Before I left Fox's -- my first stop for the evening -- I asked two dancers there about which clubs in downtown Cleveland I should go to: Magic City or Alibi. First dancer hadn't heard of either. Second dancer said Alibi.

I walked in to Alibi at around 11:30pm. Eight or so dancers and a similar number of customers were in the very small space. I grabbed a beer and a chair and sat. And sat. And sat. I tipped two dancers on the stage; they didn't even take off their tops. Finally a dancer pulled up a chair next to me and asked if I was having a good time. I said, No! No laps! She said she would fix that and asked if I wanted to go downstairs for a lap. Seeing as how upstairs was so small and a lap there would be everyone's business, I opted for the basement. There I found three couches and an under-construction platform, soon to be outfitted with a pole, according to the dancer. The dancer -- Isis -- gave a decent dance, but it scored a zero on the freaky scale. My hands were welcome up top, but her hands barely touched my shoulders, and my hands were not welcome down below anywhere other than her ass or hips. I tried out two more dancers downstairs, and for those dances the man who appeared to be the club manager sat at a table a few feet away and observed closely. I decided to try one lap upstairs from a fourth dancer to see if it would be more exciting, assuming we wouldn't be under heavy supervision. No dice. Four laps, none nearly as good as at Fox's.