Empty club, terrible pricey dances, adjacent nearly abandoned brothel
Pascha in Cologne Germany is both a strip club and a brothel. They share a building, with the brothel rooms upstairs from the club. Despite the proximity, they didn't seem to really have anything to do with each other. It was relatively easy to reach by train from the central city, though the final walk from the train stop to the club was a little sketchy. The building was so tall and pink, though, that it was easy to see from a distance so getting lost wasn't an issue.
At the entrance, a pair of burly guys asked where I wanted to go. For the strip club, it was basically straight in, after paying a 20E cover. They stamped my hand and said it was good to go upstairs, which had a separate door, to the working ladies for free. I think without a club entrance, the brothel had a 5E cover, but I'm not certain.
The club itself was a spacious open room. It had a large elevated stage with a couple of poles. The seating consisted of a few terraced rows of tables and chairs, with horseshoe booths along the wall opposite the stage. That area was roped off, and I presume had additional costs or booze requirements. When I arrived shortly before 10pm the club was nearly empty. The far wall had a small bar. I think my Coke was about 4E.
There weren't many dancers present. There may have been more than a handful, since they disappeared for a bit after being on stage, but it wasn't many more. Despite almost no audience they did have dancers on stage for a few songs each. They danced a bit and a couple did some modest work on the pole. They got topless at some point near the end of their set.
The dancers were average for a strip club. Neither ugly nor stunning. None that I saw were petite. They tended a bit bigger, but the few there were reasonably fit. I was approached by a couple of them after their stage shows. Communication was difficult. They spoke English, at least better than my non-existent Romanian or German, but they weren't fluent enough for an easy conversation. After the usual pleasantries they asked about dancing.
Lap dances were performed right in the chairs at the tables. They apparently had no other places for them. They were 50E for an indeterminate amount of time. I asked the first dancer if it was only one song and she assured me it would be "more like two". The second dancer also suggested that the dance would be longer and "sexier" for 60E.
The sole dance I paid for was not good, actually one of the worst I've had, which is saying something. After I paid her she emphasized that I could not touch her. "You can't touch me at all. If you touch me I have to stop the dance. Do not touch me." Not exactly a flirtatious beginning. She then danced on and around me a bit. Unfortunately she knelt on my thighs rather than sitting, which hurt quite a bit as her knees and shins dug into me. At one point her knee ground the side of my thigh into the chair enough for me to have to make me jump and wince. She got off me briefly at that point, then continued what she was doing.
I suppose at one point she sort of half motor-boated me. And she had a brilliant smile. But the dance was not fun. At the end she wanted a tip, so I gave her the 5 "Pascha Bucks" that they gave me with my entry fee. She was disappointed, but I wasn't going to pay even more for the experience. After that, when a second dancer described a similar rate for a similar dance, I declined. I thought very briefly about waiting for the club to pick up a bit, but decided it wasn't worth it and left.
Because I was there, I wandered up through the upstairs levels of the "world's largest brothel". Each floor was like that of an apartment building with two or three women sitting on stools at their doors. Most of the place was empty. Two floors had small bars where you could get drinks, also empty. The place felt sort of eerie and almost abandoned. The random alleys of the Amsterdam Red Light District were more welcoming. The women were fine, again neither stunning nor off-putting. A few said "hello", but that was about it.
I suppose if you get off on expensive pain you could get a few lap dances in the club, then go upstairs to take care of things. But Pascha was not a place I expect to return to.
