From the moment we walked in...

From the moment we walked in and attracted no attention when we set off the metal detector to the 50+ year-old hag I saw "dancing" on the stage, I knew this place was going to be a disaster.

My buddies and I grabbed a table off to the side and began to soak in the ambiance of no-class and washed-up dreams of Fantails. It didn't take long for some probably-hot-in-the-1980s dancer to plop herself down at our table and light up a cancer stick. At no point did she ask if anyone wanted a dance. She just puffed away and ordered a drink that one of my dumb buddies paid for. Talk about lazy.

Some Aunt Jemima type came up and started rubbing up on my other friend. He was trying his best to ignore her and look around her, but she was blocking the stage and wouldn't leave. She kept rambling something about "Feed the kitty baby." He finally tipped her to get her to leave. He remarked "I felt like I just got held up." That's because you did son!