If you're ever feeling frustrated with...

If you're ever feeling frustrated with the country, think of Mons. The place has been under attack by the religious crusaders since I was a teenager, and I'm pushing forty now. Yet it lives on, on one of Tampa's larger thoroughfares just a mile or so from where the Bucs play and the Yankees train in the Spring. Almost makes you feel like that basic principle of our founding fathers--mind your own $%&#ing business and I'll mind mine too--survives.

And for the better part of two decades, I've always gotten what I've expected there. Super hot, young, surgically enhanced, hands-on dancers. Very few frills beyond that. No DJ, just a somewhat surly front desk girl calling for new dancers over the intercom like a taxi dispatcher, no booze, the ambience of the garage where you hung out with your stoner friends in high school. The theme is simple--show up drunk, pick your dream girl and see if you can get through three grinding dances with dry shorts.