My night ended by sitting in...
My night ended by sitting in front row. There was chrome. Germ-x, standing alone next to a stack of spanish pornos. Yes. My first strip club experience at the one and only Peaches of South Bend. The finest in sag this city has to offer. When we got there this giant lesbian is dancing, and I'm sorry, but aren't strippers supposed to be seductive? I was so distracted by her gay pride tattoos and sagging breasts it was hard to think of anything else. While she was up there shaking what her moms gave her, the guy I'm dating (who was finer than wine!) had the audacity to slip a $1 under her gartered, cellulite thigh. He did not want to sit next to me, so while I sat by myself 4 seats away, I was impressed for the old man getting a lap dance behind me. At least someone was getting some action last night. One of the kind "entertainers" had a tattoo of a girls name down her side. When I asked who it was, Sparkles told me it was...her daughter. Children out of wedlock and C-Section scars aren't a buzzkill! I was willing to bet the entire empty beer pitcher of tips that's who she was working so hard for. She did tell me she liked my shoes. I wanted to ask if it was because they looked like hers.
Needless to say I'm pondering the thought of trying out on amateur night. If Jane Lynch can get up there and make money, I'm whipping out the stilettos and giving it a shot.
WHEW!
It felt good to get that off my chest. No pun intended.