Skin Cabaret, Scottsdale AZ

I've been to Skin on quite a few occasions, so although I went there last night and that will be my primary focus, I will first let you know how my other visits have been.

You basically have two options when you go.

1- Bring a lot of money, have a lot of fun, have a LOT of drinks and leave happy.

2- Don't bring much money, have a few drinks and a few of their reasonably priced dances, and still leave pretty happy with yourself.

Nothing much has change from the first time I went there three years ago other than a remodel that I honestly couldn't tell you what changed. I was pretty lit the first couple of times I went in and wouldn't have been able to tell you anything other than I enjoyed myself.

The ONLY time I had a bad time was on a very busy Saturday night. As to be expected for a smaller club, when it gets busy it's virtually standing room only. Not my favorite time to be at a strip club, and I admit that I will usually have a negative experience somewhere that is wall to wall people. I like to enjoy myself in a casual setting or at least not bump into people every few seconds. If this suits you better than it does I, by all means go enjoy yourself. I am not saying it was a bad thing, clubs get THAT busy for a reason, they're obviously doing something right.

On to my most recent experience. I got a call from one of the dancers to go visit her at work, so I hopped in the shower, threw on some clothes (I was dressed down, way down) and made the short drive to the club.

It's located a mile or three South of Old Town Scottsdale on Scottsdale Road on the East side of the street. If you're lost, there's a dealership directly across from it and it's nestled almost directly in between Thomas and Roosevelt roads. Now that they have new signs up it's pretty hard to miss. If it's daytime, look for the Pawn shop next door, if it's dark out – look for the FULL valet lot pretty much any night of the week.

You have one of two options for parking. You can park across the street or utilize their 7 night a week valet service. I don't trust people driving my 600 horsepower car so I typically park it myself, so I couldn't tell you how much the valet service is – but it's either complimentary or no more than $7. If it is more than that, don't bother because parking is literally 50 feet from the front door regardless of what you do.

You walk past the smoking area immediately outside the front door to enter the club. The door girl on duty was very friendly, asking me how my night was going. I told her I had no complaints and she informed me of the $10 cover charge and asked me for my ID. I was impressed with how she was treating me considering I looked like I had just walked in off the street. If she treats all customers this way she's definitely doing her job well. Wasn't bad to look at either.

You make a quick left and another quick left and you walk straight into the bar. It's a VERY small bar, so if you're a bar sitter you might want to get there early as there are only a handful of seats available.

If you turn around once again you can pretty much see the entire layout of the club from the bar. Directly in front of you there is a small satellite stage and scattered seating, and if you direct your gaze behind that you will see their low stage with multiple (if memory serves correctly, 3) poles. I am personally a fan of lower stages, it's not as funny when dancers fall off but frankly it's easier to see and is much less intimidating. The eye candy wasn't bad for a Sunday, there was a little bit of everything.

I approached the bar and was quickly greeted by what appeared to be the bartender/manager on duty. I ordered a beer I already knew they didn't have and he was VERY informative on giving me a selection similar to what I wanted. Always a good sign from a barkeep when they can suggest something similar if they don't carry the product you want. Props there. I took his suggestion and paid for the beer – imports are reasonably priced for a strip club in Scottsdale. I wouldn't suggest going there just to drink if you don't care about the half-naked girls walking around because there are certainly cheaper places to drink – but the nekkid-tax you pay isn't so inflated that it's ridiculous.

A couple of the girls that stood out were of the taller, tattooed variety, and upon sitting down one in particular came over and introduced herself to me. She was tall, had a full back piece, and a very toned athletic body. She told me her name was Alexis and after asking if she could, took a seat on my lap. We chatted for a bit and she hadn't even brought up whether or not I wanted a dance or not. At that point in time, I didn't as I had just gotten there and frankly if she had asked that soon I would have said no even if I did want one.

When she went on stage I was approached by another dancer. This one I didn't quite catch her name but she was not exactly my type. What made it worse was that she just came over and sat down on my lap without asking, put her arm around my shoulder and began to rub the back of my neck and play with my hair.

Note to dancers – If you approach a customer and sit on his lap, please talk or say something. Better yet, ask him if he even wants to talk to you first. If he doesn't you won't waste your time sitting there making him feel incredibly uncomfortable. Unless you know the guy don't just sit there. Try to make eye contact and appear interested in the person you're using as a chair. I'll stop here because I could go on for hours about this.

I finally asked her “What's good?” in an attempt to get a conversation started when I noticed she smelled very similar to cat food. Figured it could have been her clothes but she was topless and wearing lacy bottoms, and I was trying to stay far enough away from her not to become nauseated at the smell. She didn't say anything I could even come close to understanding and frankly I was SO over it I was looking for any excuse to get away from the situation. I turned to the person I was with and asked him what the time was, and when he answered I excused myself saying I needed to make a phone call.

I walked outside for some air, figuring that by the time I got back I would have been left alone. When I heard the song change and knew the dancer I actually wanted to talk to was off stage I went back inside – much to my chagrin finding the same dancer now occupying my seat, with Alexis sitting in the seat next to her. As she saw me approach she got up and I slowed my stride and fortunately was intercepted by the waitress asking me if I'd like another round. I absolutely did want another beer, especially with this stage 5 at my table.

Luckily, I got my out as I went to sit down she FINALLY asked me (after about 4 minutes) if I was interesting in getting a dance. I told her that I was not, and that I was waiting for Alexis and she left. I was expecting her to say something else but she just walked away. Moving on!

I continued watching the stage from my table and getting a feel for the atmosphere of the club. I didn't at all feel uncomfortable (aside from my run-in with meowmix), I actually liked the low ceilings and lit walls. It has a rustic “cave-like” feel to it, and for a building as small as it is, you really can't do much else but accentuate the fact that you're in an intimate setting. Bravo on that one. I've seen other clubs use mirrors to try to open up the room and all it does is send light flying all over the place and into your eyes.

TVs on the wall behind the stage will occasionally play the matching music video, otherwise it advertises “Skin Scratch” which I'm assuming is their club cash. I didn't ask for details on it but it's generally a 10 or 20% service charge on your credit card and isn't redeemable for drinks, but you can pay dancers with them. These are mostly used for business meetings or people who don't want to pay the ATM service fees as most of them will charge you $10 a pop with a $200 max on what you can pull out.

The music wasn't bad, I enjoyed the mix of rock and hip-hop as well as a little 80's and R&B thrown in. Music wasn't mixed very well over the house speakers but it didn't really detract from the overall feel, it's just something I have noticed in my experience playing in bands or DJing in clubs.

The DJ himself was clear and very easy to understand. When I was actually paying attention to him I could hear what he was saying and he was even ENTERTAINING, a talent that a lot of the new DJ's aren't equipped with.

Side note to club managers as well – let your DJ's joke with the crowd and the dancers. If you get your customers laugh it will INSTANTLY put you in a better mood and you'll want to stay longer and SPEND MORE MONEY. A DJ that feels like he can't be himself isn't going to perform well, and his job is usually more important than yours. Hate to say it, but it's true. I've been on both sides.

I decided that was about as good of time as any to make my way out, but first I did want to get at least one dance with Alexis. She had left to go into the dressing room and gotten sidetracked by a couple different guys wanting dances but she stopped back on her way to the stage for her set and I told her I was going to leave but I wanted to get a dance first.

I'll take a moment now to mention that this was the first time EVER I had been approached by multiple dancers about lapdances. Usually I get ignored. I can't figure it out because I don't smell bad, I don't look like a broke-fuck and I'm not disrespectful. Props to Skin Cabaret here, because that was definitely a first.

If you've noticed I've been bumping my gums about this one particular dancer, I'll admit I was quite smitten with her. She made her way off the first stage and onto the second and I lost track of her, but when she was done with her set she made her way back to me and led me over to the side wall that was empty and started dancing for me.

Yup, I was most certainly smitten.

Being aware of the time and how late it was getting I cut it short at two dances, but I assure my readers that I will be back to get more dances and possibly check out the inside of the VIP with her.

Normally I don't get turned on in the least by dances but by the second one I was at full attention, so to speak. She was one of the cleanest dancers I've ever met as far as being a “dirty dancer” but frankly my cock couldn't tell the difference. That is the mark of a TRUE entertainer, being able to turn on even porn industry people without being a skank.

I left at that point after paying her for the dances and a nice hug and made my way back to my car for the very short drive home.

Over all?

I enjoyed my time at Skin Cabaret in Scottsdale. Would I go back? If it wasn't clear I will absolutely be back. Recommended dancers? See Alexis. See Alexis. SEE ALEXIS. If she isn't there, still stick around there will definitely be something for you to get into your lap region.